You Say It's Your Birthday

Well it's actually tomorrow, but on my way home from getting my car's oil changed, I was thinking that so many people come up with excuses because of their birthday. For example, a girl I work with took 3 days off because it's her birthday today. I remember being in school and kids got homework passes because it's their birthday. In fact, I got the following scenario playing in my head during my drive.

Sir, you're under arrest.
But it's my birthday.
Oh, in that case, here have some cake, and a homework pass too.

You must think I'm insane, and I am, but it's true. I'm all for celebrating birthdays, but when you think of it, weren't everyone's mothers the ones we should be celebrating for being in pain for many hours and giving birth to us. Here mom, you can have my homework pass.

I got the best birthday gift last night when I got home from work at 10:30 last night. Dirty minds can go away now. Kim baked me a birthday cake and it was yummy. So now we have an entire sheet cake to eat by ourselves for the week.

can you still feel the butterflies?

Well, yes, I can. I am newly engaged and cannot be happier. Luckily my beautiful girlfriend Kim said yes, and now she's my fiance, which is still difficult to get used to after 6 years of saying girlfriend! There is so much to do, so it's going to be stressful, but definitely fun I think. We're going to check out a few places on my two days off-Sunday and Monday, and see what's available. We're thinking of a June 07 wedding, but have to see what's open and where. We think a wedding near the beach also. I can't really focus on much else right now because this is always going to be on my mind. It's so exciting!

In other news, if you don't know already, I am no longer teaching. In a few words to summarize from my point of view: worst profession ever for me. I truly do not know how people do it. That old saying about it taking a special person to teach is true. I didn't want to ruin my kids' year in learning because I knew by the time March came around, I would have been visibly unhappy to them, and they would have realized it. Too many negatives outweighed the positives, so I am glad I made my decision now, and not when I was 10 years into the job with a family to support. I still may go back to grad school, but have to really find what it is that I want to do for sure first. I don't want to waste any more time in school. Lots of things have crossed my mind, but I just need a chance to start somewhere better, and hopefully I'll like it and it will give me a chance to grow. Well right now, I'm focusing on the good in my life, so hopefully something will fall into place when I least expect it.

I hope that's not King Louis IX's cake!

I don't know what prompted me to do such a thing, but I found a list of famous people who share my birthday, which isn't today by the way. I have listed the talents that they have, that due to birthday osmosis, I now possess.

• Tim Duncan-ability to win an NBA championship and grow a semi-fro
• Jacque Jones-ability to swing a mediocre bat, play solid defense, and earn several million dollars
• Hank Azaria-can now imitate the venerable Apu
• a dude from ABBA
• Al Pacino-ability to get confused with DeNiro
• Ella Fitzgerald-ability to sing some swingin' jazz tunes
• Guglielmo Marconi-invent a fancy new type of radio that works by satellite, whoops
• Tchaikovsky-can now write some scary classical music that millions of incoming freshmen will be forced to listen to in their Intro to Music course
• Oliver Cromwell-force my odd religion onto others, and perhaps have it mutate and become a culture similar to that of the Amish
• King Louis IX-be a fat guy who wears a crown and executes wives. Actually I don't know if that's the right king, but frankly, they're all sterotyped, so I don't know if many people will even notice.

No Diving! Shallow Water!

picture obtained from this site

So They're Called Christmas Cards, right?

Dear Santa,

Why can't I talk about you anymore in school? Someone told me that I couldn't put a Christmas tree on my desk. Do you know why? Does this mean there will be no Christmas? I really hope that's not true. Please write back. I've been good this year!

Love,
Brian

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Dear Brian,

Keep your holid... er, Christmas spirit up. Of course there will be Christmas this year! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. So do yourself a favor and go balls out this year. Overemphasize the word Christmas as much as possible and spread your anger on a blog for all the world to read, or at least you and me. Listen to "Christmas in Hollis" to get in the spirit, and drink some spirits to get things really going. Don't forget to leave me cookies and some milk. Merry Christmas lad!

Love,
Santa

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I know this is probably a topic that's been torched for a few years now, but I just about finished writing out my Christmas cards this year, and noticed I had to make sure I sent certain ones to places of employment due to different religious beliefs. These were the cards that read "Season's Greetings" or "Generic PC Statement Here." No longer can we send cards that simply say "Merry Christmas," because it may offend some people. Not everyone celebrates Christmas, so we have to make sure we include all the holidays. That's all fine and good. I have no problem with people celebrating different holidays, because I'm pretty sure 90% of Catholics really don't know what we're celebrating on Christmas, but don't make it an unwritten law that I can't wish people Merry Christmas in public.

When I was in elementary school about 15 years ago, these are some of the things we did around this time of year:
*made those red & green Christmas chains to hang around the room
*had a Christmas concert with the chorus & band
*handed out Christmas cards
*had a Christmas party
*had a grab-bag of Christmas gifts
*gave our teacher a Christmas gift
Today, there is a limit to red and green, the concert is now the Winter Concert, Christmas cards are Holiday cards(wtf?), the party is now the Holiday Party, grab bags don't seem to exist anymore, and kids are afraid to give teachers gifts because they don't know what friggin religion they are. Schools can no longer make Christmas decorations, stores have to greet customers with "Happy Holidays," and I'm pretty sure down the road the Rockefeller Christmas Tree lighting will become the Rockefeller Celebration of Cultures, or something of the like.

I refuse to have people tell me what is acceptable or not. So I will be:
*sending out the rest of my Christmas Cards tomorrow
*listening to Christmas music for an agonizing 3 weeks
*wearing a stupid Santa hat for Christmas
*eating Christmas cookies
*wrapping Christmas gifts
*saying Merry friggin' Christmas!
*lighting up my Christmas tree
*and going to church. Go Jesus!

Oh and I almost forgot the Christmas Day tradition of that very special television event-what's it called?...Right, the Pistons/Lakers game. What I'd give to watch the Yule log over Kobe Bryant anyday.

Bath Mats and Obscenities

I went shopping the other day and needed an assortment of things:
*shower curtain
*bath mat
*snow shovels
*Chrismas decorations
*candles
This is a somewhat varied shopping list, so not many stores may have all of these. I decided to go to my least favorite store. Reasons to go include: it's a tenth of a mile from my home, and as much as I hate to admit it, they have a chance at having all these things.

So I jump in my car, loop around the highway and park very far away (on a Monday). While strolling thru the lot, making my way towards the entrance, I notice people waiting in their cars for a parking space. Uh, hello, drive 200 feet to find several unoccupied spaces. Anyway, that always bugs me. When I am about to cross the street, in the crosswalk-type space, some SUV pulls right in front of me and stops to let some fatty boom batty off so she doesn't overexhert her lungs god forbid.

I walk thru the doors and notice the return line is so friggin long that it actually blocks the entrance doors. Brilliant! It was only December 5. I make it thru only to find I have no idea where to look for my necessary items. As you enter, you sort of get sucked into women's and children's clothing, so I continue thru this area and find a mysterious dead end in a store that i thought never existed. I decide to make a left-hand turn and find a passable aisle. I gaze at the signs to lead me to the bathroom area. While looking up, I bump into a shopping cart. Whoops I forgot to get one on my way in, so I took this one. I proceeded towards the Bath section and located the bath mats first. Only I didn't know there would be so many choices. I didn't measure my bathtub because I figured it would be a one size thing. So I finally found a medium-sized mat and placed it in my cart. Shower curtains should be around here, right?

Appropriately, this "Bath" aisle was not actually located in the "Bath" section. I looked thru this entire aisle and found nothing of shower curtains, but plenty of storage bins, followed by pillows, followed by curtains, followed by the "Bath" section. I looked up and down the several associated aisles and found no shower curtains. Check that, I found very expensive ones. I just needed the $2 liners. Guess where I ended up finding them? That's right, in the "curtains" aisle, naturally.

I had 2 items, and was searching for my main priority-the Christmas decorations. I found these surprisingly easily due to the fact that I had seen a glimpse during my shower curtain hunt. There were several aisles that seemed to be filled with decorations, but I was deceived again. Each aisle was filled with lights, Christmas cards, and some strung-out nutcrackers. Doesn't anyone sell the old-fashioned paper decorations with pictures of snowmen, etc.? So I was pissed. I made my way towards the register area, only to realize I hadn't found snow shovels or candles yet. On my way, I passed some cheap votive candles, so I put one in the basket.

I figured they may have snow shovels near the front because there was some snow in the forecast. I did not see them, but instead saw a middle-eastern woman at the help desk I guess it's called. I asked her if they had any snow shovels and she looked at me without a response. I said I was not telepathic and walked away. I found some other lady and asked her if they had any and she snickered and said, "We might have one or two of those portable ones for cars by the automotive stuff." I snickered, sent my cart flying into a cheaply-made display of women's clothing produced by 7 year-olds in Bangladesh.

I said "Fuck" pretty loudly and left after nearly an hour in the store looking for 5 things! I found my shovels at the next shopping center, and the rest of the stuff later that night.

AJ a Blue Jay

AJ Burnett has signed a 5 year/$55 million deal with the Blue Jays. He was considered the biggest free agent on the market this offseason, and his signing gives the Jays 2 of the top free agents this season. Of course, being an avid Jays fan, I nearly soiled myself after the first signing, but after today's news was official, I can't explain how happy I am.

Most people are bashing both moves. Both players are considered unproven gambles and overpayed. Ryan only had last season to display his abilities as a closer, and Burnett's career record is below .500. Sure, who can predict how they'll perform this year, but they both have potential to be worthy of raises (but not the amounts they were given). I think most people are basing this on the past and stats. Ryan will be 30 at the end of the month and Burnett 29 in January, so they are both in their respective primes, which should be a positive note.

To me, I am ignoring the numbers and ESPN. The Jays needed to make these signings. They had 3 guys on their list going into the offseason and signed 2 of them. That's pretty good, especially when there are at least a dozen teams after each of those guys. What matters is they finally got big names to go north. Yes, they threw an ungodly amount of money at these guys, but since when did money become an issue in sports? The Yankees threw $200+ million on A-rod, and the Sox $160 million on Manny, but the Jays spend $55 to get a player they want and everyone thinks they are ruining the market. I think everyone should shut the hell up about whether it's a bad signing for the Jays. Wait until the season progresses to make your judgements. Would people be as harsh had he signed with the Cardinals or Nationals? I am not so sure.

It's been a while since they were able to sign the likes of a Dave Winfield or Roger Clemens, and these signings make a statement to the league. Of course, these guys are not even in the same tier as those other two. They don't have the money that the big markets have, but they have a little more than before, and if they play their cards right thru trades, they'll be greatly improved in 06. I know there are a lot of people tired of the Red Sox and Yankees, so hopefully these moves are a sign of some changes in the near future in the AL East.

Go Jays!