Bath Mats and Obscenities

I went shopping the other day and needed an assortment of things:
*shower curtain
*bath mat
*snow shovels
*Chrismas decorations
*candles
This is a somewhat varied shopping list, so not many stores may have all of these. I decided to go to my least favorite store. Reasons to go include: it's a tenth of a mile from my home, and as much as I hate to admit it, they have a chance at having all these things.

So I jump in my car, loop around the highway and park very far away (on a Monday). While strolling thru the lot, making my way towards the entrance, I notice people waiting in their cars for a parking space. Uh, hello, drive 200 feet to find several unoccupied spaces. Anyway, that always bugs me. When I am about to cross the street, in the crosswalk-type space, some SUV pulls right in front of me and stops to let some fatty boom batty off so she doesn't overexhert her lungs god forbid.

I walk thru the doors and notice the return line is so friggin long that it actually blocks the entrance doors. Brilliant! It was only December 5. I make it thru only to find I have no idea where to look for my necessary items. As you enter, you sort of get sucked into women's and children's clothing, so I continue thru this area and find a mysterious dead end in a store that i thought never existed. I decide to make a left-hand turn and find a passable aisle. I gaze at the signs to lead me to the bathroom area. While looking up, I bump into a shopping cart. Whoops I forgot to get one on my way in, so I took this one. I proceeded towards the Bath section and located the bath mats first. Only I didn't know there would be so many choices. I didn't measure my bathtub because I figured it would be a one size thing. So I finally found a medium-sized mat and placed it in my cart. Shower curtains should be around here, right?

Appropriately, this "Bath" aisle was not actually located in the "Bath" section. I looked thru this entire aisle and found nothing of shower curtains, but plenty of storage bins, followed by pillows, followed by curtains, followed by the "Bath" section. I looked up and down the several associated aisles and found no shower curtains. Check that, I found very expensive ones. I just needed the $2 liners. Guess where I ended up finding them? That's right, in the "curtains" aisle, naturally.

I had 2 items, and was searching for my main priority-the Christmas decorations. I found these surprisingly easily due to the fact that I had seen a glimpse during my shower curtain hunt. There were several aisles that seemed to be filled with decorations, but I was deceived again. Each aisle was filled with lights, Christmas cards, and some strung-out nutcrackers. Doesn't anyone sell the old-fashioned paper decorations with pictures of snowmen, etc.? So I was pissed. I made my way towards the register area, only to realize I hadn't found snow shovels or candles yet. On my way, I passed some cheap votive candles, so I put one in the basket.

I figured they may have snow shovels near the front because there was some snow in the forecast. I did not see them, but instead saw a middle-eastern woman at the help desk I guess it's called. I asked her if they had any snow shovels and she looked at me without a response. I said I was not telepathic and walked away. I found some other lady and asked her if they had any and she snickered and said, "We might have one or two of those portable ones for cars by the automotive stuff." I snickered, sent my cart flying into a cheaply-made display of women's clothing produced by 7 year-olds in Bangladesh.

I said "Fuck" pretty loudly and left after nearly an hour in the store looking for 5 things! I found my shovels at the next shopping center, and the rest of the stuff later that night.