Jeez, Den, you sound like a professional writer for Rolling Stone. I'll take it!

There's this house around the corner from mine which stations a small dog that I'd like to kick. It tends to poop on the sidewalk, and the owners don't ever clean it up. Today when I was walking by, I noticed, ironically, that their house had been tp'd. Well done!

Man am I bored. I'm literally counting down the hours until this party. I'm about to start drinking now. Whoops, too late.